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Smiler
#1 Posted : Friday, May 24, 2013 10:51:41 PM



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Smiler
#2 Posted : Saturday, May 25, 2013 4:28:21 PM



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Bump with humour Wink

Two Nerds on a Tandem
Two nerds are riding along on a tandem, when suddenly, the one on the front slams on the brakes, gets off and starts letting air out of the tires.

The one on the back says: "HEY! What are you doing that for!?"

The first nerd says, "My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit."

So the one in the back has had enought. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction.

Now it's the first guy's turn to wonder what's going on. "What are you doing?" he asks his friend.

"Look mate," says the rider in the back, "if you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!"
Smiler
#3 Posted : Sunday, May 26, 2013 8:33:20 AM



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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
bosko2602
#4 Posted : Sunday, May 26, 2013 8:46:11 AM



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Smiler wrote:
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall blonde, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is a blonde, 6' 2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

bump! Join us in Greece! Biggrin
Smiler
#5 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 8:56:09 AM



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A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."

"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night."

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to make love. After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

"What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.

"Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
Yanis
#6 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 9:30:47 AM





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Smiler wrote:
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."

"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night."

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to make love. After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

"What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.

"Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"


Laugh Out Loud
Errikos Abidalis (SD, Olympiakos @ La Liga)
bosko2602
#7 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 10:45:09 AM



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Yanis wrote:
Smiler wrote:
A fireman came from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we all put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're ready to go on the trucks."

"From now on," he said, "we're going to run this house the same way." "When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make love all night."

The next night the fireman came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1!" and his wife took off her clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell 3," and they began to make love. After two minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4!"

"What the hell is Bell 4?" the husband asks.

"Roll out more hose," she replied, "you're nowhere near the fire!"


Laugh Out Loud


Laugh Out Loud

bump!
Smiler
#8 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 1:50:56 PM



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Another Chance
One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

"Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.
bosko2602
#9 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 3:29:38 PM



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Smiler wrote:
Another Chance
One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb.
They begged: "Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."

The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd.
She got up on the car too and the man asked: "What is the first month of the year?"
The blonde responded: "November?"

"Nope," said the man. At this point the crowd began to chant, "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

So the man asked: "What is the capital of the U.S.A ?"
The blonde responded: "Paris?"
So the crowd began chanting again: "Give her another chance, give her another chance."

The man said: "Okay, but this is the last one. What is one plus one?"
The blonde replied: "Two?"

"Give her another chance, Give her another chance." screamed the crowd.


Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

Smiler
#10 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 5:07:58 PM



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A middle-aged guy had just been dumped by his wife. So, he decides to go out and buy a shiny, new red BMW Z-3 convertible. He's driving along at 80 mph, when he sees a flashing light on a police car in the rear-view mirror.

"What the hell, he can't keep up with a BMW," he thinks to himself. So he floors it.

A few minutes later, he's overcome with guilt. "Hey! What am I doing," he thinks? And he slows down and pulls over.

The cop asks him for his license, and walks around the car while he examines both. When the cop gets back to the driver's door, he says, "It's Friday the thirteenth. My shift is just about over. I'm tired and I want to go home. If you can give me a good excuse, I'll let you go."

The guy thinks for a split second and says...

"My wife just ran away with a policeman. I thought you were trying to give her back."
didothunder
#11 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 6:10:29 PM





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Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

Can't believe I didn't see this thread before Flapper

Keep them coming smiling
Brent Little - Hendon - England 1A
Simply... the best keeper in the game
World Keeper of the Year - Season 20 - Hendon


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Smiler
#12 Posted : Monday, May 27, 2013 10:13:40 PM



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Smiler
#13 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 7:52:14 AM



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A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

St. Peter told them that whoever had done Gods work well got a really good place to live in.

The priest rubbed his hands with glee.

‘Come with me’, said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.

‘Wow, thank you’, said the taxi driver. The priest gulped. he was delighted. What was he going to get? Drooling

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

The priest's jaw dropped. He was shocked! ‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up’, said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’

‘Yes, that’s true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’
bosko2602
#14 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 11:22:01 AM



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Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

bump for Greece League! And great jokes Biggrin
Smiler
#15 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 2:42:56 PM



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Wrong email address:

A couple going on vacation but his wife was on a business trip so he went to the destination first and his wife would meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email.

Unfortunately, when typing her address, he mistyped a letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher’s wife whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife,
Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.
Benfikix
#16 Posted : Tuesday, May 28, 2013 9:21:00 PM





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2 dinossaurs escape from Jurassic park and they are destroying everything on the city.

Femal Dinossaur : Dont eat that trafic light!

Male Dinossaur : Why?

Female Dinossaur : Its still green
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Smiler
#17 Posted : Wednesday, May 29, 2013 8:16:14 AM



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Benfikix wrote:
2 dinossaurs escape from Jurassic park and they are destroying everything on the city.

Femal Dinossaur : Dont eat that trafic light!

Male Dinossaur : Why?

Female Dinossaur : Its still green


Ah man! You crack me up anyway. Such fun playing in a team when your in it! smiling



A Case for More Beer

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
Smiler
#18 Posted : Wednesday, May 29, 2013 8:32:21 AM



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Bubba

There was a man named Bubba and Bubba knew EVERYONE in the whole world!!! Once when Bubba got a new job, Bubba says to his new boss, "Boss, I know everyone in the whole world!" His boss doesn't believe him, so he says "No you do not know everyone in the whole world" but Bubba says "Yes I do!" so Bubba's boss says "Well prove it!" then Bubba says "Pick someone... and I know them!"

Well Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. "Tom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!" Bubba says "Tom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together when we were kids!" but Bubba's boss says "No you weren't!" then Bubba says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Hollywood and drive up to Tom Selleck's house. Bubba knocks on the door and Tom Selleck answers and Bubba goes "Tom!!!" and Tom goes "Bubba!" and they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Bubba's boss can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that could happen, it's just one person," so he tells Bubba and Bubba says "OK, pick somebody else!"

This time Bubba's boss has someone in mind! "The president, Bill Clinton! You don't know Bill Clinton!" but Bubba says "Oh yes I do! Bill and I were on debate team together in college!" Bubba's boss says "No you weren't!" and Bubba says "Yes we were!" so they fly to Washington and they catch up with the President at a press conference. They work their way through the crowd until Bubba get's close enough to catch Clinton's eye and waves "Bill!" and the President waves "Bubba!" and after the press conference they hug and catch up for 30 minutes and Bubba's boss is stunned-- he can't believe it. But then he thinks "Well that's just two people in one country-- that doesn't mean he knows everyone in the whole world!" so he tells Bubba and Bubba says "OK, pick someone out of the world spectrum and I know them!"

And Bubba's boss knows just who to pick so he says "The Pope! You do not know the Pope!" and Bubba says "The Pope! The Pope BAPTIZED me!" and Bubba's boss says "No he didn't!" and Bubba says "Yes he did!" so they fly to Rome where the Pope is giving Mass in front of hundreds of thousands of people. They work their way through the crowd-- without much luck-- so Bubba says "Boss, we're never gonna get there together through all these people so I tell you what--I'll work my way up there and when I do, I'll give you a sign that shows you I know the Pope!" and he leaves. Well Bubba's boss waits and waits and waits and just when he's about to give up, he sees the Pope come out onto the balcony and right there beside him is Bubba!

Shortly afterwards, Bubba's boss passes out. Bubba comes back and finds his boss passed out and he fans him and says "Boss! Boss! Wake up!" and when his boss comes to, he asks "Boss what happened?" Bubba's boss looks at Bubba and says "OK, I can see Tom Selleck. I can see Bill Clinton... hell, I can even take the Pope! But when somebody standing next to me asks 'Who's that up there with Bubba?' that's a little more than I can take!
bosko2602
#19 Posted : Wednesday, May 29, 2013 10:26:10 AM



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To long joke, but... Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud
Smiler
#20 Posted : Wednesday, May 29, 2013 10:33:16 AM



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bosko2602 wrote:
To long joke, but... Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud



Ok a shorter one just for you. smiling


Two students decide to go skiing for the weekend, and are having such a good time they decide to blow off the (calculus, I believe) exam that they have scheduled for Monday morning in order to get some final runs in before they head back to school. They decide to tell the prof that they got a flat tire and therefore deserve to take the exam at a rescheduled time.

Hearing the story, said professor agrees that it really was just bad luck, and of course they can take the exam later. At the appointed time, the prof greets them and places them in two separate rooms to take the exam.

The few questions on the first page are worth a minor 10% of the overall grade, and are quite easy. Each student grows progressively confident as they take the test, sure that they have gotten away with fooling the professor. However, when they turn to the second page they discover that they really haven't.

The only question on the page, worth 90% of the exam, reads: "Which tire?"

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