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gooner4ever
#261 Posted : Monday, December 28, 2015 7:13:47 PM





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"I wasn't that drunk last night"

"Dude, you said the FID ME was fair and sensible ...."
GOONER4EVER


ENG-FIDA PRESIDENT - MODERATOR

TITLES:
mayas
#262 Posted : Monday, December 28, 2015 9:18:15 PM





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pos lene ton iisou pou moirazei mpafous?

Smiler
#263 Posted : Tuesday, December 29, 2015 5:22:12 PM



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On the first night of their honeymoon, the new bride tells her husband, "I have a confession to make. I'm not a virgin. I've been with one other guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods, the golfer." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can understand that." The couple then makes passionate love. When they finish, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. "I'm hungry. I'm calling room service." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband drops the phone and makes love to his wife a second time. When they finish, he goes back to the phone. "What are you doing now?" she asks. "I'm still hungry, so I'm going to ring room service for some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it one more time." The husband puts the phone down and heads back to bed. Exhausted after the third lovemaking session, he shuffles back to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this hole!"
Smiler
#264 Posted : Friday, January 01, 2016 12:06:47 PM



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There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope... Can you please help me? Sincerely, Edna The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her pocket and came up with a few pound. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected £95, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends. Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read: Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was £5 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office
-GGib-
#265 Posted : Tuesday, January 12, 2016 6:09:04 PM



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scotty196222
#266 Posted : Tuesday, February 16, 2016 3:54:31 AM





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England FIDA president ....

hahahahahah!!!

Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud Laugh Out Loud

Now thats a fantastic joke !!


Love Love





Quote:
I wonder what shenanigans I was getting up to on that evening.....


Wickerbasket
#267 Posted : Tuesday, February 16, 2016 1:51:37 PM





Rank: Senior Master
Joined: 2/3/2010
Posts: 9,467
Points: 39,883
Location: Grantham
This was my application Scotty:

" If there's no-one else, I'll take it. Withhold my application unless only [censored]s apply though please.

Poll message should say "Because like the England job, there is literally no-one else who wants it." "

If you want to have it, you're more than welcome to it and I'll step aside as you lead us into an age of enlightenment.
#3 James Frost - Side Defender of Team Ten
Proud to be Goalkeeper, Left Side Defender, Right Side Defender, Central Defender, Left Central Defender, Right Central Defender, Left Central Midfielder, Central Midfielder, Right Central Midfielder, Left Forward, Right Forward and Manager of Team Basket Academy


thegreenwoods wrote:
I agree with the points made by James.
scotty196222
#268 Posted : Wednesday, February 17, 2016 2:50:36 PM





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No Tah,

Like a very clever person once said -

A society should never become like a pond with stagnant water, without movement. That's the most important thing - Mikhail Gorbachev -

The ENG FIDA stagnated seasons and seasons ago, it irreparable. Just like the England job in this game, and the team, and although I havent looked, Im pretty sure theres still the same users involved in it from back when the WC first started......stagnated.....

All this is on topic, its one of the best FID jokes of all time !!

Stagnation is the state of being still, or not moving, like a sitting puddle of water where stagnation attracts mosquitoes. The root of stagnation is the Latin word for "standing water," stagnatum.

Biggrin Wink







Quote:
I wonder what shenanigans I was getting up to on that evening.....


Champ78
#269 Posted : Wednesday, February 17, 2016 4:43:42 PM





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If you soo negative to anything the english fida does, why dont you offer your help, scotty. It seems like they dont have too many options for things
Quote:
We're the hero FID deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So, you'll hunt us, because we can take it. We're not your hero. We are Norway
Wickerbasket
#270 Posted : Wednesday, February 17, 2016 7:07:05 PM





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While we're quoting things:

#3 James Frost - Side Defender of Team Ten
Proud to be Goalkeeper, Left Side Defender, Right Side Defender, Central Defender, Left Central Defender, Right Central Defender, Left Central Midfielder, Central Midfielder, Right Central Midfielder, Left Forward, Right Forward and Manager of Team Basket Academy


thegreenwoods wrote:
I agree with the points made by James.
scotty196222
#271 Posted : Wednesday, February 17, 2016 7:39:21 PM





Rank: Senior Master
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Champ78 wrote:
If you soo negative to anything the english fida does, why dont you offer your help, scotty. It seems like they dont have too many options for things


Thats a negatory Yoda, a negatory.

Id need Winston Wolf to go in and eradicate any remnants.

Laugh Out Loud Wink





Quote:
I wonder what shenanigans I was getting up to on that evening.....


Smiler
#272 Posted : Friday, May 06, 2016 3:19:37 PM



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OMG this is so funny


My husband and i were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out our front door and our rather tubby cat scooted between our legs inside, then ran up the stairs. Because our cat likes to chase our budgie we really didn't want to leave them unchaperoned so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and put her in the back yard again.

Because i didn't want the taxi driver to know our house was going to be empty all evening, i explained to him that my husband would be out momentarily as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later he got into the cab all hot and bothered, and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the cab pulled away.

"Sorry it took so long but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and i had to poke her arse with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so i grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket so she wouldn't scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard....she had better not poopies in the vegetable garden again."

The silence in the taxi was deafening...
Val3ntin
#273 Posted : Friday, May 06, 2016 6:25:24 PM





Rank: Rookie
Joined: 1/27/2015
Posts: 71
Points: 213
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking
Val3ntin
#274 Posted : Friday, May 06, 2016 6:27:37 PM





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Joined: 1/27/2015
Posts: 71
Points: 213
And one for Smiler smiling

"- What is the longest word in the English language?
- It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last!"
Wickerbasket
#275 Posted : Friday, May 06, 2016 7:33:49 PM





Rank: Senior Master
Joined: 2/3/2010
Posts: 9,467
Points: 39,883
Location: Grantham
So wouldn't the word "Facsimiled" be even longer.
#3 James Frost - Side Defender of Team Ten
Proud to be Goalkeeper, Left Side Defender, Right Side Defender, Central Defender, Left Central Defender, Right Central Defender, Left Central Midfielder, Central Midfielder, Right Central Midfielder, Left Forward, Right Forward and Manager of Team Basket Academy


thegreenwoods wrote:
I agree with the points made by James.
scotty196222
#276 Posted : Saturday, May 07, 2016 6:19:08 PM





Rank: Senior Master
Joined: 3/23/2010
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Val3ntin wrote:
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking


Biggrin Applause





Quote:
I wonder what shenanigans I was getting up to on that evening.....


scotty196222
#277 Posted : Saturday, May 07, 2016 6:21:36 PM





Rank: Senior Master
Joined: 3/23/2010
Posts: 7,088
Points: 23,931
Location: Exeter
Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?”

Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!”

Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?”

Patrick, “What school?”





Quote:
I wonder what shenanigans I was getting up to on that evening.....


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